apparently the secret to your success is patron
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
