nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
MIDGETS
????
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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