I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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