ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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