Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
