I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
