i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
