I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
