she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
