Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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