My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
