thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
