shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize