Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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