the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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