you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize