I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
