Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
