That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
