evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
pray to the hookup gods
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
