I wish I could punch you in the face.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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