i barfeds in our rink
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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