I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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