I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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