So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
