I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
