Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
