God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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