She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
