the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
