Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i believe in u and ur pee
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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