your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
