He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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