Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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