My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So vagazzling was a success
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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