dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
