dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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