Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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