I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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