Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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