three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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