he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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