i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
