no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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