what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
