I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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