It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
