it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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