Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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