the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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