There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
