Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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