if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
