I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
