I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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