After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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