dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
