.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
