my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
