hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize