New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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