There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she peed on how many people?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
