I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize